9 Ways to Develop Your Character

In this episode of the L3 Leadership Podcast, Doug Smith shares a personal lesson on 9 Ways to Develop Your Character. As Doug explains, character development is the most important development for any leader—because without integrity, everything else eventually crumbles. Drawing from his own journey and the wisdom of mentors, Doug outlines nine practical and powerful ways to strengthen your character so that you can lead well, finish well, and live with integrity in every area of life.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

00:00 Introduction to Doug’s personal journey in character development
01:00 Why only 2% of leaders finish well—and how to be one of them
02:00 Step 1: Get a vision for your finish line
03:00 Step 2: Follow God and allow Him to shape your character
05:00 Step 3: The most dangerous prayer you can pray for growth
06:00 Step 4: Surround yourself with people of high character
07:00 Step 5: Listen to the small checks and convictions in your heart
10:00 Step 6: Admit it, quit it, forget it
13:00 Step 7: Get some real friends who love you enough to challenge you
15:00 Step 8: Confess temptations before they become failures
17:00 Step 9: Realize you are always an example—whether you want to be or not
19:00 Doug’s hope: that every leader makes it to their finish line intact

The L3 Leadership Podcast is sponsored by Andocia Marketing Solutions. Andocia exists to bring leaders’ visions to life. Visit https://andocia.com to learn more.

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Transcript

Doug Smith 0:00

Hey leader, and welcome to another episode of the L3 Leadership Podcast, where we are obsessed with helping you grow to your maximum potential and to maximize the impact of your leadership. My name is Doug Smith, and I am your host, and we recorded this episode live from our Burgo Realty Studios. Well, leader, today you're going to hear a personal lesson from me on character. In fact, it's called How to Develop Your Character. And I don't think there's a more important subject that we could talk about in leadership. Character is one of our core values here at L3 Leadership, and I say it all the time, and I truly believe it that character development is the most important development. And I actually recorded this episode a few weeks before the Kiss Cam incident at the Coldplay concert, which just happened recently. And it was just one more example of why we really need to guard ourselves and learn how to grow and develop our character as a leader. And so I hope this will add a ton of value to your life. If it does, please subscribe, leave a rating and review, share this with a friend that you think would help. Again, it helps us reach more leaders. So thank you in advance for that. And with that being said, let's dive right in. Here's how to develop your character. Enjoy. Hey leader. Today I'd like to talk to you on the subject nine ways to develop your character. One of our core values here at L3 Leadership is character development. And I say this all the time, and I mean it. Character development is the most important development. Character development is the most important development. Listen, I'm obsessed with personal growth. I want to do everything I can to grow to be the best leader I can be, the best husband I can be, the best father I can be, et cetera. But here's what I know, leader. You can be a great leader, you can be a great father and a great spouse. But if you don't grow your character and integrity, eventually all that is going to crumble and you're going to lose everything. When I was in my early 20s, I had a leader and mentor come to me and he said, Doug, I believe that only about 2% of Christian leaders make it to their finish line, intact, fully fulfilling the call that God had on their life with their family intact and their marriage intact, et cetera. 2%. That broke my heart. But it also challenged me and inspired me to be one of those 2%. I thought, okay, that may be true. 98% of people may start and not finish well, but I'm not going to be one of those. I'm going to be one of the one or two percent that make it to my finish line. And so that's what got this whole journey of character development started. And so I'm very passionate about others doing this as well. And so today I thought I'd share with you nine ways that you can develop your character and integrity to make sure that you make it to your finish line. So let's dive right in. Number one is this you have to get a vision for your finish line. You have to get a vision for your finish line. And when my mentor told me that only 2% make it, that that gave me the vision. Hey, I want to get to my finish line. That's number one. I want to be one of those one or two percent. I want to have a thriving marriage when I get to my finish line. I want to have a thriving family. As a leader, I want to have a credibility that's built on a lifetime of character and integrity. Doesn't mean I was perfect. No. But I built credibility and influence on a lifetime of character and integrity. And so getting just that vision has kept me on track now for 22 years. Again, am I perfect? Absolutely not. Do I have lots of things to work on? Of course. But I constantly have that vision in front of me. And you know, I just turned 40 this year. I'm probably about halfway through my journey. And uh, and you know, so far, so good. And I still have a long way to go, but for me, it's all about my finish line. So develop a vision for your finish line that's gonna give you the drive and the why to actually pursue character development. Number two, you have to follow God. You have to follow God. Uh, for me, you know, my life before walking with God was crazy. I was on my way to being a drug addict, I was on my way to being an alcoholic. Uh, I chewed tobacco, I did all kinds of crazy things. I was just wild. But as soon as I started following God, you know, I love God. What I've learned about God is he'll meet you where you are at and he'll love you where you're at, but he'll love you so much that he won't let you stay where you at. Well, stay where you're at. And when you start following God, he's gonna start correcting issues on your life. And let me, let me just tell you this: you have thousands of issues that you need to work on. Thousands. In fact, you have so many issues and I have so many issues that we don't even know all the issues that we have yet. But that's the beautiful thing about God. He doesn't make us work on all the issues that we have all at once. That would be way too overwhelming. What I found about God is when you start following him, he'll start dealing with you about very specific issues that you need to focus on in the season that you're in. You know, for me, I mentioned all those things that were a part of my life when I started walking with God. One by one, God started dealing with me about them. First, I had to deal with my whole drug addiction thing. And so I had to deal with drugs and get rid of that. And God gave me the grace and empowerment I needed to overcome those things. Then it was alcohol, then it was chewing tobacco, then it was choosing good friends, and then it was getting over pornography, right? Like all these different issues came up uh over time. But it was all following God that empowered me and gave me the grace and the resources that I needed to actually overcome those things. And so for me, if you're gonna be a leader that makes it to your finish line, following God is an absolute must. And and let me just say this: uh if you're following God, you should constantly, no matter how long you've been following him, you should constantly be getting convicted and corrected by him. You know, in Hebrews 12, it says that God disciplines those that he loves. And and so here's my thought. If you're not getting corrected, I would ask, are you really following God? Because if you are, you should constantly be developing your character. When's the last time that you know God spoke to you about an issue? And if it's been a while, maybe go back to the last thing he spoke to you about and ask yourself, have I actually dealt with that? And then start getting right with God. And again, the beautiful thing about God is he'll help you, he'll walk you through this. And just you can just pray, God, there's this big issue, and I have no idea how I'm gonna overcome this in my life. And and it's so strong, and and I just don't know if I have the power. And let me just tell you, you don't have the power to overcome it, but with God, you do. And so if you will pray that and surrender your life to God, he will walk you through those issues and he'll continue to walk you through the issues he wants you to overcome in your life for the rest of your life. So, number one, you have to get a vision for your finish line. Number two, you have to follow God. Number three, this is similar to following God. I want you to pray this prayer. God, develop me as quickly and as solidly as possible. God, develop me as quickly and as solidly as possible. When I tell people about this prayer, I say it's the most dangerous prayer that you can pray. And I warn people, listen, don't pray this unless you mean this. Because if you pray that and you give God the opportunity to grow you, he absolutely will. And the reason I pray that prayer is because obviously I want to grow into the person God called me to be as fast as I can, but I don't want it to be so fast that it outgrows the character to actually sustain what he's called me to do. So that's why I pray, God, develop me as quickly as possible, but also as solidly as possible. I want to build that strong foundation. And so if you'll pray that, God will answer it and he'll reveal to you the things that you need to be working on. So pray that prayer. Number four, get around people of high character. Do you want to know why I didn't have any character when I was a teenager? Because I hung out with a bunch of other people who had no character and integrity. But as soon as I started getting around my future wife, who I'm married to now, Lara, and her family, all of a sudden I was introduced to a family that that lives with character and integrity. And for the first time in my life, I got around my father-in-law and a youth pastor in my life, and they both modeled for me what a godly father looked like, what a godly leader looked like, what a godly husband look like. And I had never seen that model before. Do you know that most people in their lives have only seen one model of anything in their life, and that's their family? You need multiple models. And if you've never had character and integrity modeled for you, you need to get around men and women of integrity. And I'm so grateful for my father-in-law Mike Steidel and my the youth pastor that impacted me, Larry Betancourt, that if they saw character issues in me, they would just call it out and say, You're better than that. We don't do that. That's not something we do. That's not something men and women of integrity do. That's not something men and women of character do. Like those corrections by those men made a significant difference in my life. But more than just the corrections, it was watching them, seeing how they interact with people, seeing how, seeing how they dealt with issues in their life. It changed everything for me. And so if you've never had people like that in your life, I really encourage you to go find them. If there's people you admire, ask them out to lunch and just say, Hey, can you tell me more about the way you live? Can you tell me how what you think about character and integrity and how you live your life? And and just do that. Get around high character people because again, more is caught than taught. You'll become like the people you surround yourself with. So surround yourself with high character people. Number five, listen to the small checks and convictions in your heart. Listen to the small checks and convictions in your heart. This goes back to following God. Now, again, I believe that God speaks to us and he'll speak to us all the time. And again, it's not an audible voice, but he'll give us little checks in our heart. And examples of this are maybe you're going somewhere and God will just check you and say, You don't need to go there. Or you don't need to spend time with that, those people. Or, hey, you need to go back and apologize to that person. Or, hey, see that person over there? I want you to go pray for them. Or hey, see that piece of trash on the ground? I want you to pick it up. It's just this little knowing inside, right? And so don't ignore those things.

Will Host 9:04

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Doug Smith 10:05

One of my favorite stories is from Joyce Meyer, who's a preacher, and she shared the story that when she first started walking with God, she went to uh her Bible study was hosting like a movie night. And so she goes to this movie night and they're watching this movie, and inside she just felt like God was whispering to her, like, you don't need to be watching this. And she kind of was like, I'm with a bunch of Christian friends, I'm at a Bible study, it's not a big deal, and kept trying to watch it, but that voice kept coming up in her heart, like, you need to leave. You don't need to be watching this. So finally she ended up obeying what she had in her heart, and she went in her car and she was actually mad at God. She's like, God, what the heck? Everyone else there is following you. How come you didn't correct them? How come we just didn't turn off the the movie? How come you're you're dealing with me and nobody else? And and you know, she started complaining, and she said, God spoke to her heart in that moment and said, Joyce, you've asked me for a lot. Do you want it or not? Joyce, you've asked me for a lot, do you want it or not? And and that has stuck with me forever. And if you know Joyce, you know, she's now she literally reaches millions upon millions upon millions of people every single year. And she would say, if I wouldn't have learned to obey those small little voices that God would, those little prompts that God would give me, like the movie, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing today. And so again, God wants to be able to trust you as a man or woman of integrity, and he's gonna prompt you to do things. So never ignore those small little prompts. We want to be so sensitive to them, no matter how small or insignificant they may be, obey those small prompts. They really do make a significant difference. And again, God said if it will be faithful and little, he'll let you be faithful over much. And so again, if you can't be faithful with the small checks in your heart, what how is God ever gonna trust you with bigger responsibility? So listen to the small checks and convictions in your heart. Number six, admit it, quit it, forget it. Admit it, quit it, forget it. Even if you're doing everything you can to develop your character, you're still gonna fail. You're still gonna make mistakes, you're still gonna drop the ball, and that's okay. The goal is just to do those three simple things. Number one, you have to admit it. Actually confess it. You know what? I messed up. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry, right? And then quit it. Hey, I'm not gonna do that again. You know, I remember uh there was a board member that that I was so worried about what he was he he thought of me uh that I actually ended up lying to him. He had he had asked me to make a connection for him, and I was meeting with someone and he said, Hey, did you mention me to that guy that you said you would? And I said, Yeah. And and I didn't think anything of it, and later that night I got convicted. I'm like, I lied to him. And so I could have just tried to ignore it and just say, oh, well, like it was just one time, but I called him the next day and I said, you know what? I'm ashamed to admit this. Uh, and I did this because I wanted to please you, but I actually didn't bring up your name with the person. It wasn't intentional, I just forgot to. Um, but I told you yes, and I actually lied to you because I wanted to please you, and I just want to say I'm sorry, right? I admit it. And hey, I want you to know uh I may have lost some trust with you, but I won't do that again. I will not lie to you. I will tell you the truth from now on, moving forward. So then I was quitting it, and then eventually you forget it. I don't have to be built beat up by shame or guilt or anything else because I'm moving on, right? Yesterday ended last night is a great thing to remember. So I'm gonna move on. Admit it, quit it, forget it. But what I find most people do is they do the opposite. They they mess up and they try to forget it. Hey, it was only one time, it's not that big of a deal, et cetera. So they kind of forget it. Then it happens again and again, and then they're like, hey, this is probably something I should deal with. So then they try to quit it and they try to quit it in their own strength, only to find out that guess what? Here's a novel thought, you can't, you need help. And so they finally get to a place where either A, they get caught and have to deal with it, or they finally get to a place where they're willing to confess it and say, I acknowledge this, I admit it. If you've ever followed the 12 steps in the recovery world, the first step is basically acknowledging that you're powerless over the situation. And so the sooner when we mess up, we can get to a place of acknowledging that we're powerless and we messed up and need help, the better off we'll be. So get in a constant habit of your life of admitting it, quitting it, and forgetting it when you mess up. Number seven, I've shared this so many times, but it bears repetition. Get some real friends. You know, similar to God, I'd I one of my favorite quotes on friends uh was actually given to me by a friend who changed my life, and I won't share the whole story. But he said, Doug, let me tell you something about friends. He said, Friends love you the way that you are, but real friends love you enough not to let you stay where you are, right? And and this kid changed my life because he basically called me out. It was I'll I'll share a little bit of it, but but basically I'd started walking with God and I was still kind of living with one foot in with God and one foot in the world, and and I was partying and getting drunk and high on weekends with all my old friends. And finally, this kid called me out and he said, What are you doing? What are you doing? You're you're you're better than this. And he ended up leading me through this whole process that ultimately led to me drawing a line in the sand and saying, I am done with this world. I'm done with the world of addiction and all of this stuff. I'm going all in with God. And had he not spoken up and told me that that I had a higher standard that he expected of me, I don't know if I'd be sitting here on this podcast right now. He was a real friend. See, he loved me enough not to let me stay where you are. Now, all those other kids that I hung out with, I thought they were my real friends. And and I don't think they meant harm. Like if I asked them, like, hey, were you trying to empower me to become an addict or an alcoholic? None of them would have said yes, right? Like that wasn't their desire. But real friends just love you the way they are. Hey, whether you're gonna be an addict or an alcoholic and you're on your way, hey, I'm just gonna be with you. And I'm not talking about not caring for people and walking them through, you know, things that they're going through. What I'm talking about is getting around friends who say you're better than that. It goes back to the being around high integrity people. You need people who are gonna challenge you in your life and tell you that you're more than that. So you need high people, high integrity, high character friends. Get some real friends. Number eight, this is huge. Confess temptation. Confess temptation. I thought this was so profound. I heard Rick Warren said this. He said, we'd have a lot less need to confess sin if we'd simply learn to confess our temptations. Ooh, isn't that deep? I'll say it again. We'd have a lot less need to confess our sin if we learn to confess our temptations. Isn't that true? Hey, if if you're struggling and you're attracted to someone, rather than having fear, isn't it a lot easier to say, guys, I'm struggling with this, or to say to your spouse, hey, I'm really attracted to this person, I need help. Will you help me with some accountability around that? Like, that is a lot easier than having an affair, going through a divorce, and and basically ruining your life, right? And so I don't know what areas of life that you're tempted in, but let's get in the habit of confessing temptation. But here's what I'll tell you another again, something I say all the time you need a place where you're fully known, fully loved, and fully challenged. If you don't have that in your life, you're you need it, right? It goes back to getting some real friends. If you don't have a community of real friends that you can actually confess temptation to, you need to find that immediately. Because as a mentor told me once, he said, Hey, if you mess up or you're struggling with temptation, you don't have to tell everyone, right? I don't need to blast it on social media, but you do have to tell someone. You do have to tell someone. So who's the someone in your life that you can confess temptation to? Find a safe person. Again, it doesn't have to be a whole group, it can be one person that you can confide in. But find someone to confess temptation to. And when you're struggling with temptation, please confess it. So you don't have to get to a point where you're confessing sin or that you messed up or that you lost everything. Number nine, realize, and this is the final one, realize that you are an example whether you want to be or not. You are an example whether you want to be or not. The reality is, especially as a leader, people are watching you. And you're either a good example or a bad example, but either way, you're still an example. And so this is just one more reminder. Like when you recognize the people are watching that you, like my wife is watching me as a husband, right? Like I'm an example to my wife, good or bad. My children, which again, this elevates the stakes, right? Like, my children are watching me, and my children are gonna grow up to be like me, right? Like I'm their example right now. And so that matters. My coworkers are watching me. The people that I lead are watching me, the people in my community are watching me. And so that's a lot of responsibility. And some people say, well, like I don't want to be an example. It doesn't matter. You are an example, and when you remember that, again, it's just even there's been times where I've been in situations and maybe I didn't feel like doing something, or I was feeling a little bit lazy that day, and I just thought, no, no, no, no, I'm an example. I'm an example, I'm a leader, and so I'm gonna step up. And so when you remember that and remember that people are watching you, it just keeps the stakes elevated and can again, all of these things are really trying to keep you on track to get to your finish line. So let me review the nine with you one more time as we start to close. If you want to be a person of character development, nine things you can do. Number one, get a vision for your your finish line. Number two, follow God. Number three, pray this prayer. God develop me as quickly and as solidly as possible. Number four, get around people of high character. Number five, listen to the small checks and convictions in your heart. Number six, admit it, quit it, and forget it. Number seven, get some real friends. Number eight, confess temptation. Number nine, realize that you are an example, whether you want to be or not. Well, I really hope that this lesson uh challenged you. I hope it inspired you too. And more than anything, my prayer for you is that you'll make it to your finish line, that you'll get a vision for being a leader of integrity and character, and that many, many years from now, we'll be able to interact and say, we made it. We made it to our finish line, doing what God called us to do with our marriages intact, our families intact. And isn't life wonderful? That's the whole goal. Hope it's added value to you, and I'll talk to you next episode. Well, leader, thank you so much for listening to my lesson on how to develop your character. I hope it added value to your life. And if it did, it would mean the world to me if you would subscribe to the podcast, leave us a rating and review, but more importantly, share this with a leader that you think it would add value to. I think every leader needs to hear messages like this to focus on their character so they can make it to their finish line intact. And that's really what my heart is for developing leaders. I want to see leaders grow to their full potential, make it to their finish line with their character and family intact. That is what I live and breathe for to help leaders do that. So please share this with someone you know. As always, I want to give a shout out to our sponsors, Endosha Marketing Solutions. They're the producers of this podcast. And if your organization needs marketing expertise, I wholeheartedly recommend to their services. You can learn more about that at endosha.com. That's a ndia.com. And as always, leader, I'm gonna end every episode with a quote. And today I'll quote John Wooden, who I love. He said this, he said, be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are. So good. That's gonna wrap up today's episode. As always, leaders, remember don't quit. Keep leading. The world desperately needs your leadership. We'll talk to you next episode.